I should have posted this on Sunday, but instead I wrote a post about my options trading.
It’s astounding for me to think about and admit that I’m profiting right now from the conditions in the marketplace as a result of COVID-19. I’m not bragging about this; I’m struggling with not feeling guilty.
For a long time I had ambivalence, if not outright conflict, with the idea and potential of being financially wealthy. I had to reach the point that I no longer felt guilty about having money and to be ready to let money into my life. Before that happened, though, I had to go through a period of my life where money was definitely not plentiful because I had made choices that actively pushed wealth away from me. I had done things, if not consciously, then subconsciously to sabotage myself when things were going too well and seemed too easy.
So, I write this post in sincere gratitude for how well my life is going right now. To repeat: this is not a humble-brag. I am truly thankful. And, I’m aware of how challenging this time is for so many people in the world.
On Sunday, I finally decided to acknowledge the fact that it just doesn’t make sense for my family to take our vacation to Europe this summer. I signed in to AirBnB and canceled our reservations for our accommodations. Fortunately for me, I was able to get a full refund. I do feel sorry for the hosts who will lose that income.
I checked Lufthansa’s policy about our flight. It seems that I can’t request a refund now. However, all tickets will retain their value and the rebooking fee is waived through the end of August. It would be amazing to be able to rebook my flight for August of 2021. I don’t know how far in advance I’ll be able to do that, though. I’m going to have to wait and see what happens.
I’m willing to admit that I felt sad as I had to take these actions. I was so excited about taking this trip with my family. It was hard to accept that it isn’t going to happen this year. At the same time, I can see how fortunate I am that this is what I was grieving.
Each Friday my family makes sure to share one thing we are celebrating or for which we are grateful. Lately, I have been saying that I am so grateful that we have remained healthy and that this pandemic is nothing more than an inconvenience for us. I’m going to be giving thanks for that same thing this coming Friday. And I will also send out the wish that others in the world will also be able to come through this situation and be able to look at it as an inconvenient episode in their lives.
I make no pretense that I’m in control of everything. What Nassim Taleb is so true: “I am a lucky fellow who happens to be in the right place at the right time.” How strange it is that the time of COVID-19 is “the right time.” If only I could assert that I’ve become anti-fragile. Alas, I think that would be “pride that comes before the fall.”
Let me not fall prey to arrogance. Also, let me not be afraid to have hope and gratitude. I love this quote that I’ve seen attributed to C. S. Lewis: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” And so, I will think of others in the world and how we are living this experience together.
I will think of how we are all connected.
I will think of how we all feel sadness. I will think of how we all feel joy. I will think of how we all feel fear. I will think of how we all feel hope. I will think of how we all feel pain. I will think of how we all feel pleasure. I will think of how we all feel hate. I will think of how we all feel love.
I give thanks to the Universe for the abundance it provides me. I surrender and am open and ready to receive.
Bhavatu sabba mangalam - May all beings be happy