Yes, that is what I just said and it means exactly what it sounds like. There is no punch line.

The TL;DR; version: I no longer want to be that person. I've carried that weight around for long enough. Starting today, I release myself from my judgemental self and free myself to be my compassionate self.

I have spent too long lying to myself that I can hold one standard for myself and not hold that same standard for others. I have never been one to accept double standards and I no longer wish to hold onto this double standard. If I want to be a more compassionate person, then I need to learn to have compassion for myself.

Lana and I were sitting at the table eating lunch together and she read a quote to me: "Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure." The quote is attributed to Jack Lemmon. I admitted to Lana how true that is for me. I don't like to make mistakes and be wrong.

As I was taking Zen out for a walk I thought more about why I am so uncomfortable making mistakes and being wrong. I finally came to the realization that it's because I don't like how I judge myself when that happens. And, probably even more importantly, I'm afraid that other people will judge me the same way I judge them.

The way out of this prison I have created for myself is to stop judging myself. Then I will be able to stop judging others. Then I can let go of the fear that others are judging me. If they choose to judge me, let that be their burden not mine.

I think I've become completely oblivious to this weight I have been carrying for I-don't-know-how-long. I choose not to be oblivious any more. Now that I am no longer carrying the weight I will be able to fly so much higher.

I'm sure this is a lesson I have at least started to learn before. I'll likely need to learn it again. But, for today, I am living it right now.

"In this moment in time, I choose to accept and love every part of myself. I have compassion for me, and I also feel compassion for others. I create a life of acceptance and understanding." -- Louise Hay

I give thanks to the Universe for the abundance it provides me. I surrender and am open and ready to receive.

Bhavatu, sabba, mangalam -- May all beings be happy.