This morning I realized how much things are already starting to turn into a blur and how fast the first month has gone by. So, I want to briefly capture what I can recall from my first weekend home. Eli was born on Monday, January 2, 2012 and we brought him home on Friday, January 6, 2012.
The first night we arrived at home a couple who is friends with us brought in Chinese carry-out for dinner. We had stopped by the pharmacy on the way home from the hospital to pick up Lana's pain medication. Then we did our first feeding at home. I was still in the process of getting Eli to go to sleep when our friends arrived with dinner. I had to figure out what we were going to do with the baby while we had dinner with our friends. At first I tried the bouncy seat that we got from my sister-in-law. But, that seemed clear to me that it wasn't going to work because Eli was sitting in it totally wide-eyed. Also, he wasn't really big enough for it and I had to figure out how I could best use it. So, I went upstairs and got the "bassinet" that comes with our "Close and Cozy" pack and play system. I placed the bassinet on the floor, put Eli in it, and placed a blanket over it to block out the light. We had a nice dinner with our friends, during which Eli stayed quiet. Our friends left when it was time for the next feeding. That night I got almost no sleep. It seemed like I had to hold Eli all night long in order for him to sleep; I was trying to make sure that Lana could get some rest.
On Saturday my sister-in-law's family came over for a visit. They brought us some food and Vitamin D drops for Eli. I ran around the whole time they were visiting trying to get various things done, like picking up a hospital grade breast pump (no go: the lactation center is not open on the weekends -- too bad I didn't call first to save that waste of time) and more donor's milk (successful, but time consuming and expensive). Saturday night was another night that I got almost no sleep.
I can no longer remember what I did on Sunday. But, I do recall that by Sunday night I was starting to have my first meltdown wondering how I was ever going to sustain this. Fortunately, Lana suggested that I go to bed and get some rest.
Zen was extremely anxious at first. He had bad gas and his stools were soft. Initially, Lana wanted Zen behind a gate all the time, which I'm sure didn't help things. At this point I can't remember when I set Zen loose in the house again. But, I think it may have been some time during that first weekend.
This is the best I can remember the details. I didn't have the time or energy to write about them while they were happening. At some point down the road I will need to look back at this blog to recall even this much. The larger picture I want to remember is how much of an adjustment it was and how hard it was.
Always remember that Sunday night wondering how you were ever going survive. Always cherish that special, magical time when your son was so little and vulnerable and so dependent on you. You're a father now and will be for the rest of your life. Enjoy every minute of it as much as you can.
I give thanks to the Universe for the abundance it provides me. I surrender and am open and ready to receive.
Bhavatu, sabba, mangalam -- May all beings be happy.