Last night I went out with my in-laws to an all-you-can-eat buffet. I generally eat too much at these types of things. But, to make matters worse, the buffet was $15. So, I felt a compulsion to "get my money's worth." Never mind the fact that my in-laws were paying and it wouldn't make any difference to them how much I ate.
What's more distressing to me than the discomfort I felt from an overfull stomach was having to acknowledge that reversion to the mindset of the little boy who is afraid that he is not getting his fair share. Additionally, I had to acknowledge the fact that I let some of my usual dietary caution (a la my strict vegan guidelines) take a back seat to my need to get enough food. I didn't completely fall off the wagon and eat something that was outright animal based. But, I did eat some things that I couldn't be entirely sure didn't contain some non-plant based components.
I'm 43 years old now, and still I can succumb to selfish instincts. I've been meditating and working on living a conscious life. How can I be so easily thrown off by a $15 buffet? Why should I feel any sense of lack when presented with an all-you-can-eat situation? Am I really any different now than I was as a young child? When will I truly recognize and confidently accept that the Universe provides me with all I need?
I hope that the $15 spent on the buffet provided me with a lesson that is worth more than the amount of food I was able to cram into my stomach. I hope that the next time I am presented with the opportunity to recognize when "enough is enough" I make a better choice. I hope to become the person I am capable of being.
I give the thanks to the Universe for the abundance it provides me. I surrender and am open and ready to receive. And, I don't need to gorge myself on that abundance. There is plenty to go around, and there will always be more there when I need it.